Social media is full of what I refer to as rainbows and cotton candy posts about sobriety from addiction. Support groups play an essential role in the healing journey for families affected by addiction. They offer a safe space for loved ones to express their fears and frustrations, helping them to process their emotions. Additionally, these groups can provide tools to navigate the complexities of relationships in recovery, ensuring that both the sober house individual and their family can grow together. Together, fostering a strong community and support network can significantly enhance the recovery experience and facilitate healthier connections.

So while I taught local girls during the day, he stayed home and tried to figure out what to do with himself.

Tips to Heal a Marriage Hurt by Addiction

The most common cause of relapse for addicts is being exposed to triggers. For some addicts, that can mean moments of emotional distress or loneliness. It is important for you to talk to your partner and identify their triggers so that you can be aware of them.

  • Because of the difficult aspects of substance use recovery, the partner in recovery may not initially have the energy to commit to healing the relationship.
  • The first step in overcoming addiction and saving a marriage is for the individual struggling with addiction to seek help and enter into a rehabilitation program.
  • Though I did not doubt that we loved each other, the chaos of addiction had eroded our trust in each other, and my life no longer felt my own.
  • The partners are happy to be with each other and behave better than before.
  • New sobriety leaves a void, which formerly was filled with all the mental and physical activity of trying to control and manipulate the addiction and substance abuser.

For the non-alcoholic spouse, self-care and support are just as vital. In navigating these turbulent waters, resources like Al-Anon, a support group for family and friends of alcoholics, can provide much-needed understanding and encouragement. Though each journey is unique and laden with its own set of obstacles, countless couples have walked this path and emerged stronger. It is a persistent pattern of alcohol consumption that causes distress or significant impairment, often disrupting family life, including marital relationships. Common signs include an inability to control drinking, neglecting personal and professional responsibilities, and a heightened focus on alcohol.

One (or both) partner’s substance use can become the source of arguments. By setting the right expectations and considering treatment for yourself, you can overcome addiction together with your partner. Matt and Katie share the story of when Matt relapsed while they were on family vacation.

marriage changes after sobriety

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These negative emotions can quickly take over and cause spouses to distance themselves emotionally from each other – further damaging the intimacy and connection in their marriage. Addiction is a complex and destructive disease that not only affects the individual struggling with it, but also their loved ones – particularly their spouse. When one partner in a marriage is battling addiction, the relationship can suffer greatly as a result. The effects of addiction on a marriage can be devastating and often lead to divorce or separation. In fact, marriages where one or both partners struggle with addiction are twice as likely to end in divorce than those without this issue. Firstly, it is important for individuals in recovery to have their own support system outside of the marriage.

marriage changes after sobriety

Childhood trauma can drive these feelings, but early sobriety is not the time to address it. Firstly, we have discussed the impact of addiction on marriages, highlighting its detrimental effects on communication, trust, and intimacy. This understanding is crucial in acknowledging the struggles that couples may face in rebuilding their relationship post-rehab. In any relationship, setting boundaries is essential for maintaining a healthy dynamic. This becomes even more important after rehab when individuals are still navigating their recovery journey. Both partners must understand and respect each other’s boundaries in order for the marriage to thrive.

I don’t get much out of the unicorns and bubblegum inspiration about how everyday is perfect in sobriety. And I imagine those posts are insulting to the spouse of an alcoholic in recovery who is dealing with the reality of resentment and distrust. A picture of a sunrise with a snappy caption is an indignity to the couples trying to hold their families together in sobriety.

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We gladly paid upwards of $100 USD per person for 4-5 hours of unlimited drinks and buffets. There are people who do this every weekend, sometimes more. Individual therapy is also a great environment for you to learn how to set firm boundaries and enhance your communication skills. Being married to someone in recovery from addiction can in unpredictable ways alter the dynamics of your relationship. Go on dates, be completely honest with one another, and try to treat the marriage as a new relationship. Understand that rebuilding your marriage will be a long and challenging process, and keep your expectations reasonable.

Fostering Emotional Growth and Self-Care

Drinking alcoholically means a backlog of real-life, adult problems build up. Arguing with your spouse, getting shit-faced, and venting to your friends, then waking up the next day pretending it didn’t happen is no longer an option. Addiction is the third most-cited reason for divorce in the United States. Had I https://northiowatoday.com/2025/01/27/sober-house-rules-what-you-should-know-before-moving-in/ not gotten sober, we likely would’ve gone that way as well. Codependency can continue to affect marriages even after your partner has become sober.

In Codependency for Dummies, I term these roles Underdog and Top Dog. The Underdog addict is self-centered and irresponsible, and feels vulnerable, needy, and loved only when receiving. Top Dog is other-centered and over-responsible, and feels invulnerable, self-sufficient, and loved only when giving. They both feel sorry for themselves, blame one another, and have guilt and shame, but Underdog feels guilty needing help, and Top Dog feels guilty not giving it.

Sober social activities as a tool for connection

Your partner may relapse one or more times before finally achieving long-term sobriety. Most treatment methods for substance use disorder involve the family. That means you will likely play a role in your partner’s treatment. Setting boundaries with a person in recovery is just as important as setting boundaries with someone in active addiction.

The Role of Soberlink in Recovery and Rebuilding Trust

Many spouses who are married to an addict in recovery expect that once their spouse gets sober, there will be more time for their relationship. But, this isn’t always the case at the beginning of recovery. The recovering addict needs to focus on sobriety and may not always be able to prioritize the relationship, and his or her spouse must understand this. Of course, the addict’s ability to maintain sobriety will be essential to your ability to maintain the marriage as well. Instead, it’s best to treat the marriage as a new relationship. Get to know the “new” version of your spouse (or help your spouse become acquainted with the “new” you).

Many individuals and couples find comfort in sharing their experiences with others who are going through similar struggles. Support groups can help couples feel less isolated, providing a sense of community and solidarity during the recovery process. At Trinity Behavioral Health, post-detox care is tailored to address both individual and joint needs, fostering long-term sobriety and emotional stability for couples. Anger, resentment, guilt, hurt, dependency, and blame typify these relationships, and that doesn’t necessarily change with sobriety.